The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has a convoluted geo-political past which contributes to the complication of the situation between the two nations; this should lead to a response from the international community that continues to demote violence in the area yet allows the diplomacy to remain between Palestine and Israel.
There is very good vocabulary used in this thesis. I also liked how you said what the international community should do, while nothing specific was said.
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ReplyDeleteI do not have a lot of criticism to make, for this comment is well-constructed and accurately covers all parts of the essay. I do want to mention that the second part of the thesis can be a bit confusing. You should change the wording to clearly state that you are going to express your own ideas about how the world should respond. Other than this, this is a great thesis.
ReplyDeleteYou're on the right track. For "convoluted past," identify the period under consideration (ex. since 1948? or more recently). Specify what you mean by "complication of the situation" - what is the status of this issue in the present. I think you may want to use "de-escalate" rather than "demote."
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