Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Thesis - Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has a convoluted geo-political past which contributes to the complication of the situation between the two nations; this should lead to a response from the international community that continues to demote violence in the area yet allows the diplomacy to remain between Palestine and Israel.
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There is very good vocabulary used in this thesis. I also liked how you said what the international community should do, while nothing specific was said.
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ReplyDeleteI do not have a lot of criticism to make, for this comment is well-constructed and accurately covers all parts of the essay. I do want to mention that the second part of the thesis can be a bit confusing. You should change the wording to clearly state that you are going to express your own ideas about how the world should respond. Other than this, this is a great thesis.
ReplyDeleteYou're on the right track. For "convoluted past," identify the period under consideration (ex. since 1948? or more recently). Specify what you mean by "complication of the situation" - what is the status of this issue in the present. I think you may want to use "de-escalate" rather than "demote."
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