Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Thesis: Impact of Climate Change in Oceania
Global climate change, a worldwide issue growing at an unsettling pace, has been severely affecting the economic, social, and political systems of New Guinea and Australia since the dawn of the twenty-first century, so, in order to reduce impacts of climate change, it is necessary to construct counteracting procedures, yet varied opinions on this subject, evident through news articles, continue to exist.
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This is a strong thesis that mentions all three sections of the paper; however, I think that you should omit the comma after the first Australia, insert a semicolon, then add a transition word right after the semicolon, and finally delete the word forcing and move it before "to develop" as "are forced". It would make your thesis much more clear to read, since you are introducing a new idea.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good thesis that is general enough to have a lot of information to support it. I do feel though that it is a little redundant after the 4th or 5th comma, so I would just maybe take that out or do something else with it.
ReplyDeleteOverall, a really good thesis. You've incorporated the main points that will be addressed in your paper but need to make some adjustments in phrasing to clarify/focus your argument.
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